NOVPUB
Chapter 486
The thought that Rijaiera might be a place of ordinary people, except for Luna, was turned on its head after I saw what Arta could do. A village where someone my age was that skilled in Mana Reinforcement couldn’t be an ordinary one.
That night, while at the dinner table with Ellen’s parents, I brought up the topic.
“I learned from Arta today what my problem was.”
“What did you hear?” Ellen’s father, Ronan, asked as I dipped bread into the stew and took a bite.
“He said my Mana Reinforcement is excessively inefficient.”
“I see.” Ronan nodded quietly, while Luna continued to eat in silence.
Excessively emotional...
Couldn’t they have told me that more directly, like Arta did? It would have been better to be told precisely rather than indirectly.
Did they want me to realize everything on my own? That seemed way too time-consuming. Even knowing that anxiety was consuming me, I couldn’t let go of that anxiety.
“Reinhart,” Ronan said quietly.
“Yes?”
He put down his bread on the plate and raised his index finger.
“The mana within you is the flame of your heart.”
“... Yes.”
I somewhat understood the metaphor. From Ronan’s index finger, blue mana began to rise like smoke.
Just as Luna wasn’t an ordinary person, I figured Ronan wouldn’t be either.
“Where do you think the emphasis in ‘the flame of your heart’ is? On the heart, or the flame?”
“The heart... I suppose.”
“Yes, you understand well.”
The blue mana rising from Ronan’s fingertip began to flicker like a tiny flame, like a candle.
“If your heart is calm, the flame of your heart will also be calm.”
Suddenly, the flame from his finger grew large and began to flicker violently.
“If your heart is troubled, the flame of your heart will be like this.”
The burning flame of mana seemed ready to tear everything apart. The air in the living room quivered.
“If your heart is dark...”
Suddenly, the fundamental nature of the blue mana seemed to change, taking on a dark, shadowy hue and flickering even more violently.
“The flame of your heart may react to your darker side and change like so.”
Kururur...
The utensils on the table began to tremble.
“But.”
The black flame on the tip of Ronan’s finger disappeared, and once again, pure blue mana began to gather.
“If your heart is not troubled, not dark, not swayed by any emotions that cloud your heart... And surpassing calmness, surpassing tranquility... If you advance to a stage we often call ‘a clear mirror and still water’ or ‘an immovable heart’...
“If you gain a heart that is stronger and more resilient than anything, with peace, tranquility, and certainty without a shadow of doubt, what do you think will happen to the flame of your heart?”
What rose from his fingertip was no longer a flicker or a flame.
“If the flame of your heart no longer wavers, what does it become?”
The mana rising from his fingertip did not waver or flicker. A straight line of mana extended from his fingertip. It grew longer and soon took on a shape instead of flickering without a definite form.
A flame with form... A flame that no longer wavered. It took on a shape similar to a material object.
An intangible sword—a sword created by the heart.
Ronan Artorius, who had summoned an Aura Sword, used the blade extending from his fingertip to cut the bread in front of him.
“The moment the flame of your heart can no longer be a flame, you will be able to obtain what you desire.”
Clink!
Ronan had attempted to cut the bread with the Aura Sword, but ended up cutting through the plate as well.
“...”
“... Honey?”
Luna stared intently at Ronan. Ronan began to look at Luna, swallowing hard.
“Th-that... Honey. You see...”
“Let’s have a little talk.”
“N-No. H-Honey... Listen...”
“Come outside.”
“Yes...”
Luna grabbed Ronan’s arm and led him out, and Ronan, looking pale, was dragged away. It seemed that Luna Artorius, as a wife, was not to be taken lightly either.
Anyway, Luna aside, Ronan Artorius was clearly not an ordinary person either.
***
‘The mana within you is the flame of your heart...’
The heart was fluid, and so the mana that flowed from it took on a fluid form. But if the heart no longer wavered, then the flame of the heart, the mana, would also cease to waver.
There was no change in the fact that this was the first step I needed to take.
After Ronan staggered into the bedroom, looking like he had been thoroughly scolded, Luna looked at me.
“Let’s take a walk,” she suggested quietly.
“Ah, yes,” I replied.
In truth, although some time had passed since I’d arrived in Rijaiera, I hadn’t had many conversations with Luna or Ronan. People in Rijaiera did not tend to walk around at night. Night in the mountains fell early, and rural life began at dawn and was mostly wrapped up by noon.
Whatever the true nature of Rijaiera, the lifestyle of this village wasn’t that different from life in any other rural area. Luna walked quietly beside me.
“Do you remember the last time you cried?” she asked.
Her sudden question took me by surprise. Why was she asking something like this?
“Well...”
Had I ever cried? Honestly, I couldn’t remember. I probably hadn’t cried.
“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever cried.”
Luna continued walking through the village. “Then, was there ever a moment when you felt like you should cry?”
“...”
I hadn’t cried before, but was there a moment when I felt like I should have? Thinking about it, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I had failed at many things and was still failing. I was trying to salvage some successes from those failures.
Was there a moment when I felt like I should have cried?
Luna stopped walking and looked at me.
“Every day is like that, isn’t it?”
“...”
“Isn’t it?”
For the first time in my life, someone’s words felt like they were striking my heart. She gently placed her hand on my cheek.
“When you can’t cry when you need to, those tears pool in your heart and fester.
“Reinhart. Because you couldn’t cry when you needed to, every day is a day you want to cry. And so, you don’t realize that living through such days has ultimately damaged your heart.”
Was holding something back—in this case, tears—only making me suffer more?
I looked at Luna. “But crying doesn’t solve anything,” I said softly.
Why hadn’t there been days when I wanted to cry? If I could have resolved and relieved something by shedding tears, I would have cried as much as I’d wanted.
Tears were just tears. There was a limit to the sorrow that could be poured out and lessened through them.
Crying was merely a time to reflect on how miserable and painful I felt. It was merely a time to confirm how sick I had become.
Therefore, I didn’t cry. Tears couldn’t solve anything. I believed that moving forward was the only thing I had to do, and that was I had made it this far.
“If having an unwavering heart is the condition for me to move to the next stage, then isn’t it even more unnecessary for me to cry or pour out what I’m feeling?”
As Ronan Artorius said, if an ‘immovable heart’ and a ‘clear mirror and still water’ were what I needed, then tears were even more unnecessary.
Luna shook her head. “You misunderstood Ronan’s words.”
“...”
“Having no heart and having an unwavering heart are not the same, are they?”
Having no heart was not an immovable heart, but indifference.
“...”
“It’s not about pouring out those emotions to discard them.”
Luna stared intently into my eyes. “I can read despair, fear, hopelessness, and guilt within you. Yet, you must remain unwavering, to face those emotions directly and still have a clear mind. Isn’t that the mindset you should have?
“You said a fearful battle lies ahead. Surely, it will bring you even greater fear and terror than your current anxiety and restlessness. If you can’t maintain an unwavering heart even in this moment of anxiety, it will be the same in your future battle.”
Had she left me alone to provoke my anxiety and restlessness? If I couldn’t use my power properly even amidst my current anxiety, I wouldn’t be able to use it properly in a greater crisis later on.
Was that why she had let me be? As a form of preliminary training?
“You must be anxious and restless. And your heart will only become more anxious. Nevertheless, you must remain unwavering.”
The anxiety and restlessness I felt at that moment were trivial. When the future battle came, I would have to face even greater fear and terror.
What my anxiety and restlessness were preventing me from doing would be even more impossible later on. Therefore, in Rijaiera, I had to find a heart that could overcome fear, not one that eliminated it.
Luna lowered the hand she had placed on my cheek and smiled. “And also, tears can’t solve anything, but I hope you realize that’s why tears are necessary.”
Tears couldn’t solve anything, but that was why they were important...
I used to understand what that meant. But now, I was so different from my past self that I couldn’t understand what Luna was saying.
“I think that what is most unnecessary to a person is actually what a person needs the most. Something very important, that makes a person human.”
“I’m not sure what you mean...”
“Oh dear, have you forgotten?” Luna smiled. “We’ve been talking about the heart all this time.”
There was no absolute necessity for a person to have a heart. But perhaps a person without a heart could not truly be a person.
I couldn’t fully understand Luna’s words, but I couldn’t deny them either.
***
In the end, I had to overcome my anxiety, restlessness, and fear.
When I practiced Mana Reinforcement alone, clinging to unsolvable problems, my anxiety only grew.
I realized that holding onto unsolvable problems and struggling alone only worsened the issue. Therefore, I had to distance myself from them a little. I needed to put some space between myself and the myriad problems filling my mind. The more anxious I felt, the more anxiety remained within me.
I needed to clear my mind.
I had a few more conversations with Luna and Ronan, but nothing changed significantly. Luna and Ronan still left me to my own devices. They gave me some hints, but didn’t offer any direct guidance.
However, after understanding to some extent what Luna and Ronan expected of me, I realized that expecting them to watch over me was a rather unreasonable demand.
Life in this mountain village was busy, and began before sunrise. At dawn, Ronan would lead some of the villagers on hunts, often returning at uncertain hours. Luna would wake up even earlier than Ronan to ensure he had breakfast before leaving. Those who stayed in the village would rise at dawn to work in the fields, and Luna was no exception.
In the afternoon, they would do laundry or chop wood, so even those who stayed in the village were not idle. When the hunters returned, they would gather to skin and dry the hunted animals, or smoke the meat and make sausages.
It was peaceful, but everyone’s day was full.
In the end, despite my anxiety and restlessness, I couldn’t help but say something.
“Um... Mother.”
“Yes?”
“I feel like I should be doing something... Is there anything I can help with?”
Being a guest was only acceptable for a day or two. I had been in the village for nearly twenty days without helping out with anything, and that made my conscience prick at me. I couldn’t bear it any longer.
It seemed absurd to go from being a king in Edina, wrestling with the fate of the world, to helping out with chores in a mountain village. But since no one was giving me any looks, I felt even more self-conscious and wanted to escape that uncomfortable feeling immediately.
“You’re asking rather late.” Luna smiled and handed me a pole with a bucked on the end of it. “Here. Fill it up with water, to the brim.”
‘What am I doing here?’
