NOVPUB
Chapter 489
I had too many thoughts swirling about in my mind, while Arta seemed to have none. That explained the difference between us. Arta nodded in agreement, acknowledging the truth in that statement.
“To be honest, I don’t really think much. Not that I’m saying I’m stupid, of course.”
“No, honestly, you are kind of a fool.”
“Le-Lena... Why am I a fool?”
“Did you forget? Remember when you were playing hide and seek with Ellen and ended up hanging off a cliff, only to fall and break your leg?”
“H-Hey! Why bring up something from so long ago...!”
Arta’s face turned red at the sudden mention of his embarrassing past.
‘Doesn’t that make him more of a madman than a fool?’
I barely managed to suppress those words before they reached my lips.
“Th-That was because Ellen always won at every game, and I just wanted to win at least once...”
“That’s why you’re a fool. If Ellen hadn’t found you after you fell off the cliff, you might have actually died. You hung off a cliff just to win, and Ellen found you anyway, so you didn’t even win.”
“...”
The kids from Rijaiera sure had some colorful ways of playing games. Whether it was Arta hanging off a cliff to win or Ellen being determined enough to find him, it was all quite something.
“Anyway, if we start talking about all the trouble Arta got into in the past, there’ll be no end to it. Mostly, it was him trying to beat Ellen and getting into accidents,” Lena said.
“Enough about the past...”
“Oh yeah, do you know what happened one time?” Lena said excitedly as she continued to recount Arta’s mishaps.
There was one story of him almost drowning during a diving contest in the valley. The time he climbed a tree to steal bird’s eggs and fell, hitting his head. The incident where he tried to dive off the waterfall under which I had meditated, only to belly flop and pass out. And the time he got so mad about losing in sword practice that he had swung his wooden sword in earnest, only to get knocked out by Ellen.
Listening to these stories, it was clear that most of them involved Ellen. Even in his carefree days, Arta was quite the character, always trying to outdo Ellen but ending up outsmarting himself or falling flat.
Hearing about Ellen’s past from her childhood friends was quite revealing. Even as a child, she was a genius. It made me feel a certain pity for her childhood friends who had to keep up with such a prodigy.
But thinking about Ellen diving off the waterfall under which I’d meditated was a bit absurd.
Ellen would do reckless things and succeed without a hitch, while Arta would fail at those same reckless endeavors. It was a rather sorry tale. Of course, they say blood is thicker than water.
Imagining Ellen roughing it out with the kids from her childhood made my heart flutter a little.
Realizing that Ellen, who always wore a serious expression, had not always been like that made me curious about what she was really like.
She must have been cute. However, these thoughts only deepened my melancholy.
No matter how I felt about Ellen or how she felt about me, thinking about how cute she might have been in the past always led to the same conclusion: our relationship could never return to what it had once been.
“Anyway, you’ve hurt yourself countless times trying to beat or imitate Ellen. You should know your limits.”
“Stop it... Enough about the past...”
Arta looked pale, as if just hearing about those embarrassing moments was torture.
Depending on how you looked at it, Ellen could be seen as an annoying childhood friend, but it didn’t seem like these two felt that way about her.
“Anyway, Arta is someone who lives only for the moment. He doesn’t think about what might happen later; he just wants to beat Ellen, but ends up getting hurt.”
Arta had no way to refute Lena’s blunt declaration.
“But Reinhart, as I’ve said before, you seem to think too much.”
Thinking too much... It was something Lena and Arta had often told me.
Maintaining a clear mind, a calm disposition, and a peaceful heart was becoming increasingly difficult.
It had been over a month and a half since I’d left Edina, and I still had no idea when I would learn enough that I could leave this place. Another month would not be enough. Would it take two months? Or three?
If I left Rijaiera, defeated by anxiety, I would never be able to return.
I knew what Luna was trying to do. If I couldn’t endure even this level of anxiety, if I couldn’t handle simple unease and restlessness, I would not be able to achieve my next goal. I had to overcome this situation and move to the next stage.
Even if I reached Master class, if I succumbed to fear and terror in the final battle, I wouldn’t be able to use my full strength. That was why Luna was giving me this preliminary training.
If I couldn’t maintain composure even in this situation, it was obvious what would happen later.
No matter how worried and uneasy I felt, I had to endure and reach the next stage and truly own this new power. Therefore, I was forced to spend all this time anxiously cut off from all external news or information.
Despite this, my anxiety and unease only grew because of all the unknowns. I could focus my mind and perform highly refined Mana Reinforcement, but my growing anxiety made it difficult to become accustomed to it.
Thinking too much was the problem, but I couldn’t help it. It felt like I was being told that food was not everything in life when I was starving.
How could I stay calm when I felt like I was suffocating?
“Wouldn’t it be better to be like Arta in your situation?” Lena said.
“...”
“Harvesting this year’s potatoes while worrying about next year’s drought won’t improve anything.”
I knew Lena’s words weren’t wrong.
“If you think too much, you’ll end up thinking about unnecessary things. So why not forget about everything else for a while and focus only on what you need to do at the moment?”
Her words jolted me awake. Many people had told me similar things. I had even said something like that once.
After my first kill in the Dark Land, Ellen, covered in blood, had grabbed me and looked me straight in the eyes, telling me it wasn’t the time to think and that we needed to do what had to be done.
After the Gate Incident, Harriet had told me the same thing. That it wasn’t the time to think, and we needed to do what had to be done.
I had tried to think that way too, and to move forward one step at a time. But now that I had left behind the responsibilities I used to bear, I had lost that mindset I once had.
I worried about things that hadn’t happened, but might. I was anxious about being cut off from the outside world. Even though I knew it wouldn’t solve anything, I couldn’t stop thinking about it compulsively.
Luna said my heart had become sick because it had spent too long enduring. Lena said I didn’t have to think about things that weren’t necessary in the present.
I didn’t know if Luna was right or if Lena was, but it was true that my anxiety and unease would not solve any of my problems.
Arta only thought about what was in front of him. His goal was to maintain Mana Reinforcement for as long as he could, so he focused solely on that.
I needed to do the same. Thinking about how many months it would take to get used to this power or the situation outside was all meaningless.
I would not find any answers through worrying alone. It was only through action. Only through action could I achieve results. I had to abandon my worries over unsolvable problems.
“Alright. I’ll try that.”
Peace of mind. Achieving peace of mind in a peaceful situation meant nothing to me now.
Achieving peace of mind even in a turbulent situation was what I needed—my clear mirror and unwavering heart.
***
I thought of not thinking. But the very thought of not thinking was already a thought. It seemed nonsensical, but that was what I was doing.
To not think, then, I had to stop thinking about not thinking. I should literally not think.
However, for someone whose head felt like it was about to explode from too many thoughts, the compulsion not to think only pushed me into neurosis.
And when I thought about it, I naturally moved on to thinking about what I was not supposed to be thinking about.
Then I moved on to thinking about not thinking about those things, bringing me back to square one.
It was like a mental Möbius strip, a wheel of thoughts that spun endlessly.
“Mother, how can I stop thinking?”
“...?”
Luna looked at me blankly when I asked her about how to achieve a state of non-thinking after spending time meditating under the waterfall.
‘Hey, don’t look at me like that! I have my own strategies, and I’m just trying to follow them! Why don’t you teach me something then?!’
“Follow me tomorrow,” she said.
‘Finally.’ Was she going to teach me something?
***
The next morning, my hopes that Luna would finally teach me something were shattered.
Clang. Clunk. Clunk.
I heard the sounds of Luna rummaging through the storage shed.
“Hold these.”
She handed me a shovel, a pickaxe, an axe, and a carrier.
“... Weren’t you going to teach me swordsmanship or meditation?”
“... I don’t recall saying that.”
Luna grabbed the shovel, while I took the pickaxe, axe, and carrier.
I quietly followed Luna as she led the way. The villagers, already busy with their morning tasks, had gone their separate ways.
Luna walked beyond the borders of Rijaiera and up the mountainside. I did not know where we were going.
We finally stopped on the side of a mountain.
“We need to clear out the land for a new field. It’ll take a long time, so brace yourself.”
“... Sorry?”
“Didn’t you ask me how to stop thinking?”
Luna gestured to the spot in the middle of the forest.
“Nothing clears your mind like an overwhelming amount of work.”
‘Seriously...? Is she really asking me to clear out a new field from scratch? I thought it would just be helping with village work or something!’
“First, cut down the trees, chop them into firewood and bring them back to the village. Then, you’ll have to pull out all the tree roots.”
It wasn’t just working bare ground; it was turning a forest into a field.
“And don’t use that holy relic of yours.”
Wasn’t that too much?
“Mother... Are you being serious?”
“Hmm...”
Luna crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly as she looked at me.
“You keep calling me Mother, but if you want me to treat you like a son, you should act like one, don’t you think?”
“Ah.”
Luna smiled at me.
“Get to work, son,” she said.
I had outsmarted myself.
***
Since I kept calling her Mother, Luna decided to put me to work, asking me to act like a son. In rural areas, children were indeed a source of labor, so I couldn’t really deny it.
Luna left me in the forested area outside Rijaiera and went back to the village.
I was not on a grassy plain; I was in the middle of a forest. If I cut down all the trees and turned them into firewood, I’d be providing Rijaiera with enough wood for the entire year.
This was about killing two birds with one stone, having me do all the work to clear out a new field while at the same time providing wood for them to use. 𝒏𝒐𝒗𝒑𝒖𝙗.𝒄𝒐𝒎
There was also the condition that I could not use my holy relic.
I looked at the forest laid out before me, as well as the axe, pickaxe, shovel, and carrier beside the tree trunk.
I would have to cut down the trees, chop them into firewood, and carry them back to Rijaiera.
Once all the trees were down, I’d have to somehow pull out the deep-rooted tree stumps.
After that, I’d have to use the pickaxe to turn the soil, removing all the small roots to make it suitable for cultivation.
Could I even finish all that before winter arrived?
I had spoken carelessly, and now it seemed I wouldn’t be able to return to Edina within the year.
“Hmm...”
I had never cut down a tree with a holy relic before. Besides, Luna had told me not to use it, so I didn’t plan to.
The first order of business was to cut down all the trees in this forest, so I picked up the axe.
I had cut down countless monsters and, disturbingly, even people. But I had never used an axe, let alone cut down a tree with one.
I was going to cut down all these trees. I knew it was hard work, but so what? Even without Mana Reinforcement, I had over 26 points in my strength stat, an A+ rank, and with Mana Reinforcement, I could exert S-rank strength. I was a literal monster in human form.
I didn’t know if this tree-cutting task would help me forget my worries and bring me a clear mind.
But I had to do something.
Exhale.
I focused my mind and activated precise Mana Reinforcement.
I had enough strength.
The important thing was not just cutting down trees but getting used to channeling precise Mana Reinforcement.
I would reach a highly focused mental state and channel Mana Reinforcement while cutting down all the trees.
There were many trees. I didn’t know if cutting them all down would help me get used to this power, but I would take the first step.
I calmed my breathing, feeling the breeze and hearing the faint chirping of birds.
Inhale!
I swung the axe at the tree.
Crack!
It shattered.
“Huh...?”
Not the tree, but the axe handle.
