NOVPUB
Chapter 195: Drowning
Isleen
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Everything from the previous night was nothing but a hazy memory right now. But I knew one thing for sure... I’d had sex with Rhett and begged him to renew the mark. Twice.
By the moon! Could this get any more complicated?
Suddenly, Rhett stirred In his sleep, causing my heart to leap into my throat. Crap, I’d spoken too soon.
He sat up, gazing at me with an amused grin. "Not even a ’good morning ’ before leaving?"
I loved this side of Rhett. This playful side that he seemed to only show around me. But my mind was in so much disarray that I had no time to enjoy any of that.
"Good morning, Rhett." I managed to answer his greeting with a forced smile.
But the Gamma wasn’t convinced, and he got up, showcasing his naked body to me. I’d seen that body throughout last night with no complaints. So, why was I so shy to see it again now?
Gamma Rhett tried getting me to open up about whatever it is that’s bordering on me, and I honestly didn’t have a full answer. Did I really know why I was so sad? Why I had such an overwhelming sense of guilt inside me? Did I have a clue on why I felt so... So rotten like some sinner?
When Rhett kissed me, that was the last straw. The kiss felt like a lifeline, reminding me of everything we’d done the night before. From the kissing to the freaky sex positions...
By the moon! Was that all me? Did I really let myself do all that last night? Feeling sick in my stomach, I shoved Rhett away, wincing when I saw the pained look on his face.
"I... I’m sorry." Was the only thing I managed to utter as I felt hot tears brimming in my eyes.
Before he could do anything, I turned back, struggling to fight back the tears. I prayed, I wished silently to myself that he wouldn’t come after me. That he wouldn’t follow me.
Luckily for me, my wish was granted, and there was no Gamma chasing after me. But did that really make me ’lucky’? What would you call a girl who rejected her and her mate’s intimate moment from the previous night for basically no reason?
I needed to get home. I rushed downstairs, heading for the exit when I bumped into a fairy. She looked exasperated and gasped when I bumped into her.
"Oh, dear I’m so sorry." She was quick to apologize, even though it was technically my fault.
She seemed so... Nice. Her voice felt oddly soothing, allowing me to think a bit more clearly. She looked like she was in her mid to late twenties, and had beautiful wings that fluttered behind her.
"Are you okay, dear?" The fairy girl asked with a concerned look, her gaze landing on the renewed mate mark which I’d tried desperately to cover up. "Here, let me help." She stretched out her hands, offering to ’heal’ me of the mark.
But I didn’t need any healing. At least, not physically.
"It’s no worries. Thank you." I smiled brightly at her, finding her kindness admirable. The fey were known for minding their business, avoiding conflict as much as possible. Quite a few were in the lobby working or trying to book a room, but yet this girl was the only one who cared enough to try helping her.
"I’m Dew." She waved at me sheepishly, causing me to crease my brows awkwardly. But then she continued. "Like, the morning dew drops on plants."
I nodded my understanding, trying hard to hide my tear-stained face before I uttered as well. "Isleen Gracia. It was nice meeting you, Dew."
I ran past her, ignoring her confused gaze which lingered on my back. On getting outside, the warm sunlight prickled my skin, as I took in a deep breath. But I ignored all the people walking outside, heading straight home.
Soon, I’d gotten home-Rhett’s home- and burst into the living room. My gaze landed on a startled Cullen, who frowned upon seeing it was me.
"What happened? Isleen, why are you crying? Who hurt you?" Cullen got up, rushing to hug me. I struggled to breathe properly, feeling all the tears threatening to burst out like a dam.
His grip on my hand was meant to be reassuring, a reminder that he was here for me.
"Oh, Cullen, I got carried away." I sobbed violently under his embrace. And for a moment there, I imagined Cullen was Rhett, comforting me at my lowest. Enveloping my body with his strong arms.
But alas, it wasn’t him. I’d pushed my mate away when he’d tried holding me back at the hotel. Tried to make me listen to reason.
Cullen still looked confused by my words, as he cupped my cheeks gently, using his fingers to clean the tears on my face. "Got carried away with what? You aren’t making any sense, Isleen, no offense."
Before I could think of how or where to begin, he led me gently to a couch. He forced me to sit, his arms wrapped around my shoulder.
"Alright, let’s try that again, but this time try using your words. Okay?" He tried to joke around, managing to make me smile wryly.
So, I explained everything that happened at the hotel, explaining my steamy night with Gamma Rhett. I ended up revealing his identity, confirming that he was my ’mysterious mate’, which seemed to shock Cullen. But he let me finish my explanation.
I explained how I felt confused this morning about what happened like it’d been a dream. But I knew it wasn’t a dream, and it bothered me.
"None of this is a bad thing, Isleen." Cullen sounded exasperated, obviously lost on why I felt so sad.
Of course, he wouldn’t get it.
"It is!" I yelled, my voice cracking as I did. "It is, Cullen. Don’t you get it? I lost Liam. I lost my baby boy and on literally the same day, I fucked the Gamma! I was the one who initiated the sex. He acted all gentlemanly last night, I’m not going to lie, but for some reason, I was the exact opposite. Almost as if I didn’t have any control over my feelings or urges..."
The mind was indeed a mystery. But, I felt like there was more at play here than me not being able to control my desires. I just couldn’t grasp what that could be, especially not now that I felt like I was drowning in my emotions.
