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Chapter 197: Indulge In Your Problems
I stared blankly as I saw the confusion etched on Kylo’s face. He looked from the knife on the ground, then to my face, and then back to the knife again.
He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it back, seeming uncertain.
Shit, Isleen what the fuck were you thinking?!
Did I... Was I about to...?
"Isleen, are you crying?" Kylo asked, his worry almost palpable. I touched my face, only then realizing that the tears that I’d been struggling to hold back had begun flowing out.
I whimpered, struggling to say something. Anything. But all that came out of my lips was a constrained sob, as the tears began flowing out freely.
"Oh, Isleen," Kylo muttered, closing the distance between us. He drew me into an embrace, hushing me gently, telling me it was okay.
But I wasn’t okay, was I?
I’d thought about... about taking my life. About escaping my ’prison’. And I would’ve made that thought become reality too, if Kylo hadn’t interrupted.
I felt embarrassed and shaken with even more guilt, as I buried my face into his chest, sobbing more silently now. I didn’t want to look into his eyes. I didn’t want to have to explain what I’d been trying to do before he got there. But I knew I had to, eventually.
"Isleen, what’s going on?" Kylo finally asked after several minutes of us just standing there, his arms still wrapped around me. When I remained silent, he sighed, before pulling me out of the hug. He held me by the shoulders now, trying desperately to look into my eyes. But I looked away, too ashamed of myself to look at him directly. "Don’t be like that. We dated for five years before breaking up. We’ve been through so many obstacles, and so many trials and tribulations before we broke up. So please, allow me to indulge In yours again, but this time as your friend. I care about you Isleen, please talk to me."
I felt the myriad of emotions behind Kylo’s voice. I felt it in his touch. In his words. I felt all of it even when I occasionally summoned the courage to glance into his eyes.
Kylo cared about me. He still cared about me after all this while. I felt my heart flutter, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude wash through me. But instead of telling him what was bothering me, I brought up something that managed to make him raise an eyebrow.
"Just like you let me ’indulge’ In your secrets when you got together with Cullen?" I spat with a hidden bitterness that I didn’t know I had all this while, manifesting itself with my grief. "Like, who would’ve guessed that you ’swung both ways’? Cause I couldn’t. You were so good at being on the down low that you didn’t even think of sharing that part of yourself with me, your then-girlfriend. You made me feel like what we had wasn’t real. Like it was all just a mask to hide your true feelings."
I breathed out when I was finally done with my persistent talking. Phew! It felt so good getting that out of my chest. I guess Kylo played a bigger part in my emotional turmoil than I’d originally thought.
He opened his mouth, trying to say something. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, and as he eventually glanced down, I could sense the shame and guilt washing over him. By the moon, no...
"You’re right. I told you to be honest with me when I’ve been anything but that recently." He chuckled to himself with a bitter smile. Then he finally looked up, his gaze never leaving my eyes now. "So, I’ll come clean about everything now. Me and Cullen aren’t together. And no, we didn’t do anything either. I mean, we agreed that if he accomplished a mission I gave him successfully, then we would, but..." He paused, trailing away.
I creased my brows, looking at him with renewed curiosity. At that moment, I seemed to have forgotten all my pain and guilt, indulging myself in Kylo’s problems instead. That was it.
That’s what I’d been using as a coping mechanism of sorts ever since I learned the truth about Liam. My friends and their problems had been my distraction away from all the hurt I’d been hiding inside.
Lupe with her housing situation and facing the harsh realities of just losing her mom. Kylo was enlisted into the army all thanks to ’traditions’. Cullen and his daily life of being... well, Cullen.
They’d been my distraction. But now that I felt like I was being left alone, all the pent-up emotions had begun pouring out freely. After my steamy first sex with Rhett, last night left me feeling guilty, it was a catalyst, letting so many more emotions that I’d kept hidden flowing out. And that was why it was so overwhelming. 𝒏𝙤𝙫𝒑𝙪𝙗.𝙘𝒐𝙢
Kylo sighed, drawing my attention back to him. Oh, right, he’d been in the middle of a confession. "But then, there was no need anymore. The ’mission’ was for him to spy on your activities. When you started staying here, it was like a blessing in disguise. Now I didn’t have to worry myself about –"
Wait a damn minute!
"You sent Cullen to spy on me?" My voice brimmed with anger now, as I took Kylo’s hands off my shoulders. "Seriously? You don’t even hear how creepy that sounds? Just because you weren’t the one doing the stalking doesn’t make it any less STALKING."
This... Kylo was unbelievable! So he’d been spying on me all this while? Why? Didn’t he trust me anymore? Had he discovered something off with me that made him feel suspicious? Was it... Did he suspect me and his dad?
I gulped at the thought. No. Kylo couldn’t be suspicious of us. Rhett and I had done a great job keeping our interactions a secret. Even Cullen hadn’t been sure of who my mate was, even though he was able to guess that I’d found one.
I felt my heart race with anticipation as I awaited Kylo’s response.
