NOVPUB"You’re still being arrogant? I’m going to smash you to death!" Suming held a panda above his head with both hands, ready to smash it down on You, the panda flailing its limbs and screaming "ah ah ah" in midair.
"Stop!" He Baowen decisively blocked Suming.
"Madam, can you drop the misplaced compassion? We only have one hour left. Are you still planning to ask questions politely?" Suming could only put down the panda. He first flipped You the bird, then told He Baowen, "I’ve seen a lot of these types. If you don’t get tough, it won’t work! If you talk to him nicely, he won’t understand. Beat him into a pig’s head first, then he’ll behave!"
In movies like "Prison Storm," "Blues of Jiang," and "Tales of Lai Lok," there are always scenes of coercion before the interrogation. Suming wanted to see it firsthand. Maybe this stern policewoman would come up with some fresh tactics, like donning a leather suit, stepping into high heels, and strutting onto the scene with a little whip...
A twitch appeared at the corner of He Baowen’s mouth. How she wished she could hit him!
If time went back thirty years, coercive interrogation was Xiangjiang Police’s foolproof strategy. The police station had more tortures than the dungeons, with things like the top ten brutal Qing Dynasty tortures being no big deal.
"Cough cough... We have to enforce the law civilly, according to the regulations!" He Baowen coughed, her complexion somewhat abnormal.
Seeing her expression, Suming guessed most of it and leaned in close to whisper in her ear, "Madam, are we not allowed to use coercive interrogation?"
He Baowen instinctively turned her cheek away as Suming leaned in, but seeing that he had no "excessive" moves, and was merely coming close to talk, she tensed up slightly, coughed again to mask her embarrassment, then similarly leaned in close to Suming’s ear and whispered very softly, "What do you think? This scum, I wish I could stomp him to death with high heels! But now the interrogations are recorded, and the higher-ups have ordered it three times, saying no torture is allowed or the consequences will be severe..."
After speaking, she added a little resentfully, "Even if we take him back to the police station for punishment now, we wouldn’t have enough time!"
The two whispering to each other left the other officers exchanging glances. What was going on? Did Madam still have the mood to flirt with a pretty boy?
"Ah, I got it..." Suming nodded thoughtfully, then suddenly asked, "What if, I mean if, the one who acts isn’t human?"
"What?" He Baowen blinked, utterly confused.
"Like, what if he got injured by the panda during the kidnapping? That would explain things, right? Remember, pandas are wild beasts!"
After saying that, he patted the head of the panda that was nearly climbing up to his waist and asked it, "You’re very ferocious, aren’t you?"
"Ah!" The panda cooperated by opening its mouth wide, swinging its head and roaring at He Baowen, but no matter how you looked at it, there wasn’t a hint of ferocity. It looked more like... like a chubby kid yawning with its mouth wide open.
"Ah ah ah!" The panda shook its head around and, seemingly shy, suddenly raised a paw to cover its face, then burrowed into Suming’s embrace with its head lowered.
"This... This..." He Baowen was dumbfounded. Was this supposed to be ruthless? Then wouldn’t Teletubbies be world-destroying demons?!
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"Don’t worry, I’m a Beast Tamer, remember? Take your team and leave, give me ten minutes, and I’ll handle it!" Suming was brimming with confidence.
He Baowen took a step back, staring at Suming for several seconds.
Suming was holding a panda in one hand and cradling another in his arms. Both pandas were cuddling against him, creasing his already lightweight summer clothes, making him look like a refugee out begging with two kids.
"Are you sure?"
"Stop dawdling, hurry up and go!" Suming chuckled as he bumped into He Baowen with his shoulder, signaling her to leave quickly. It wasn’t that he was trying to cop a feel, but he really couldn’t free his hands as they were occupied with the pandas.
If it had been anyone else’s suggestion, He Baowen wouldn’t have considered it. What a joke, let a kidnapper out of her sight? If something went wrong, who would be responsible? Failing to catch the suspect was one thing, but if they let the kidnapper escape or even harm the pandas... oh, and Suming, that would be dereliction of her duty!
But with "unreliable" Suming making this suggestion, He Baowen found herself somewhat undecided.
Earning someone’s trust is not something that can be done merely by talking. It requires concrete actions. From last night up until now, Suming had more than once done the impossible when everyone else thought it couldn’t be done.
"Fine, I trust you this one time. Hey, be extremely careful. Don’t make me take the blame! I’m not removing the suspect’s handcuffs, and you should be careful too. All units... fall back..."
The officers were visibly confused, not understanding Madam’s plan, but they still followed the order, retracing their steps, leaving the panda enclosure.
"Remember to close the door!" Suming waved cheerfully at He Baowen, who was the last to leave.
The door to the panda enclosure slowly closed, and once again, tranquility was restored inside, leaving only two men and two pandas.
Watching Suming’s strange smile, You swallowed nervously and subconsciously shuffled backwards, "What... what are you going to do..." His hands were cuffed behind him; he couldn’t even stand up straight.
Suming took a step forward, but the panda on him was too cumbersome, and his waist was bent under its weight. With a big scoop, he set it down, "There there there, you get down first." Then with one hand, he gently led a panda by the paw, slowly squatted down in front of You.
"If you dare touch a hair on me, I’ll still file a complaint against you!" You said with an intimidating front but fear within.
"That’s the thing, I’m somewhat familiar with the Xiangjiang police system... let’s have a discussion..."
Checking the time, only thirty seconds had passed. Suming wasn’t in a hurry. He spoke as if to himself, "For coercive interrogation, you need evidence, usually starting with an injury inspection. Isn’t that right?"
Before You could speak, Suming took the initiative, "But there’s a big difference between getting injured by a wild beast and getting hurt by a person. Any rookie medical examiner can tell that apart. Wouldn’t you agree?"
Just as You was about to respond, he was interrupted by Suming again, who was petting the panda’s round head: "There’s a movie called ’Kung Fu Panda’, have you seen it? No worries if you haven’t, the name says it all. Pandas that know kung fu, moves like the Heart Plucking Fist, Ball Breaking Kick, the Spinning Panda Tumble, and so on..."
"What the hell do you want!" You finally lost his patience and shouted.
"Nothing much, if people can’t hit you, these pandas surely can, right?"
Suming slowly stood up with a smile and said, "Plus, when pandas hit, they don’t know their own strength. If they kill you on the spot, consider yourself lucky. But if they leave you paralyzed, kidneys shattered, liver exploded, and blind, just prepare to spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair. Maybe the prison will even throw in a special care single bed for you. Oh, and you can try to reveal that the police allowed pandas to beat you up... but I wonder if anyone would believe that?"
"It’s impossible for pandas to..."
Before You could finish speaking, the big panda Lele, who had been squatting next to Suming, staggered over to him, stood on its hind legs, one hand on its waist, looked him up and down, then suddenly slapped him, as if a gang leader was disciplining a member who broke the rules.
No matter how silly pandas are, after communicating with spiritual power for so long, they knew who the bad guy was. Suming deliberately did not have Lele use much strength this time; it was simply to scare You.
But how strong are pandas? Even if Lele only used a fraction of its strength, it was more than enough for a human to bear. You’s face swelled up immediately, leaving a row of scratch marks.
"So, you held the panda hostage, the panda fought back, scratched your face. It’s all perfectly justified, isn’t it!"
Suming stepped back, crossing his arms, and snapped his fingers at the other panda Yingying, "Show him another Spinning Panda Tumble!"
Yingying turned its head around, then with a twist of its behind climbed onto a small tree nearby, nearly two meters tall, shaking the branches vigorously like Tarzan and letting out a ’roar’. Immediately after, it jumped down from the tree.
There was thick grass and soil below, and the panda seemed a bit clumsily as it landed, keeping a sitting position, its hefty body pressing heavily on the ground, causing the land to tremble slightly.
Pandas are tough and resilient; climbing trees and sometimes falling from them are common occurrences, sometimes even a part of their playful antics. Lele didn’t care much, shook its head, got up, and then looked eagerly at You’s belly, ready to take action.
The ground where it had just sat showed a noticeable irregular circular indentation.
"If someone were lying there, I wonder if it could squash anything out of them!" Suming curiously looked at You lying on the ground, his hands miming an explosion, his mouth producing a "duang!" sound effect.
You’s face had turned ashen, his teeth clenched, silent. He realized that this guy wasn’t joking around—the pandas would indeed listen to him!
If he really ended up disabled or with internal injuries from the pandas...
"Wait a minute, wait a minute..."
"It seems you’re still holding on to a glimmer of hope!"
Suming was having too much fun to give You a chance to speak, totally ignoring him, with a look of feigned sorrow, he turned to the pandas: "Seems like this person really needs to experience the power of Kung Fu Panda firsthand. Which one of you wants to go?"
Without hesitation, both pandas charged forward.
"Oh, excellent idea, that’s what I call attacking from both sides!" Suming nodded emphatically.
...
Outside the Panda Pavilion, time ticked away slowly, He Baowen kept checking her watch as every second felt unbearably long. An older police officer next to her spoke in a concerned whisper, "Madam, nothing has gone wrong, right?"
He Baowen raised her brows, "I promised him ten minutes, there’s less than five minutes left! The moment time is up, no matter the result, we bring him back..."
She hadn’t finished speaking when the bamboo door behind her creaked open. Suming walked out jovially, "Madam, don’t say I’m not punctual, it’s only been six minutes. Done! He’s willing to cooperate!"
"How’s the suspect?" He Baowen asked as she briskly passed by Suming, leading a group of officers into the garden.
They saw You still lying by the poolside, with some blood on his face but no other apparent injuries.
Two pandas, one at each side, squatted beside him. The claws that rarely came out were unsheathed, looking like blades hovering over You’s belly, as if contemplating where to strike.
Meanwhile, a Haidong Qing perched on You’s head, its beak looming over his face, just one peck away from potentially gouging out his eyes.
"I’ll cooperate! I’ll cooperate! I’ll tell you everything! Just get these animals away from me!" You, seeing the police officers, was more relieved than if he had seen his own kin, his hoarse voice tinged with a hint of crying.
The officers exchanged incredulous looks between You and Suming, then back at You again. He Baowen stammered for a moment before asking, "You... He... How did this..."
"I didn’t hit him." Suming shrugged indifferently: "I’ve said it before; this kind of person doesn’t understand human language. They need animals to do the talking."
