NOVPUB"Rainie."
"..."
"Rainie?"
"Ah, yes, sorry. I spaced out for a moment."
Called by my name twice, I finally snapped out of my thoughts.
"Hmm... Feeling a bit dazed? Do you still know who I am? Try calling my full name once."
Dr. He furrowed her brows slightly, putting the unlit cigarette into the ashtray, and asked me about my physical condition with a serious expression.
It must have been because I suddenly zoned out, making her think my symptoms had returned. Once again, I made someone worry about me... I really am...
I hurriedly put on a smile, trying to look full of energy, and answered cheerfully.
"No problem at all, I'm completely aware. You are Dr. He Mengyu, the psychiatrist. I’m really sorry for worrying you just now, I was just lost in thought."
The doctor remained silent, just staring into my eyes for a while before picking up the unlit cigarette from the ashtray and putting it back in her mouth.
The ashtray was spotless because smoking was prohibited in the hospital. Dr. He never actually lit the cigarette; she just kept it in her mouth.
Always looking sleep-deprived, with deep dark circles and a cigarette hanging from her lips—those are the three defining features of Dr. He Mengyu.
"Hmm... Seems like you really are fine now. Well then, starting today, you finally don't have to come see this old lady regularly anymore."
"All thanks to you."
Dr. He often lacks confidence in herself and frequently mocks herself as a washed-up woman.
To me, she is clearly a beauty, with a figure enviable enough to attract men if she put a little effort into her appearance. Plus, being a doctor should make her quite sought-after. I really don't get why she feels insecure.
"Well... I didn’t really help much. In the end, I couldn’t fully cure your condition."
"No, if it weren't for you helping me control the onset of my symptoms, I wouldn't have made it through these years so safely."
"Hmm... I could only help to that extent, though."
"That’s already a huge favor. I will definitely repay you."
"No need for that... But it's rare to see you spacing out on your own, Rainie. Have you fallen for someone?"
Someone I like...
"Maybe..."
"I see, then go for it. You can finally enjoy your youth properly."
The doctor paused for a moment before continuing.
"From my experience as an older woman... There were two chances I missed because I hesitated. If you truly like someone, don't worry about anything—just go for it. Otherwise, you'll regret it later..."
"Is that so... Doctor, did you not end up with the person you liked?"
"Yeah... The person I liked has been married for over a decade now... They even have a child around your age, living a happy family life."
"I see..."
Somehow, I could understand a bit of the doctor’s wistful feelings... because our situations felt somewhat similar... He already has a girlfriend...
Knock, knock.
A knock broke the silence, and Dr. He absentmindedly called out, "Come in."
A stern-looking middle-aged man pushed the door open and entered.
"Director An! What brings you here!"
Dr. He, who had been lounging with her legs crossed, instantly sprang to her feet when she saw the man, dropping the cigarette from her mouth in a flustered manner. Her eyes widened more than usual as she nervously tidied her clothes.
It was the first time I had seen Dr. He so flustered. I remember when the hospital director visited her before, she didn’t even bother to get up, acting all casual... Could it be that this sharp-eyed male doctor is the person Dr. He likes?
He resembles him a bit...
"Are you still with a patient? I can come back later..."
"Oh, no, it's fine. The session is over. Rainie, you can go now."
"Alright, Dr. He. I’ll be going then. If anything comes up, I’ll call you."
"Yes, be careful on your way. Call me if you need anything."
I nodded in farewell, left the room, and closed the door behind me, leaving the two of them alone.
Even though the person she likes has been married for many years and has a family, Dr. He still can’t let go... I guess that's normal...
I walked back to school, my mind no longer foggy. Although Dad had insisted on driving me, I declined. I could now pay attention to the changing traffic lights and passing cars, capable of traveling alone.
Lately, my thoughts have become increasingly clear.
I no longer fall asleep suddenly.
I remember more things.
I don't doze off without reason anymore.
My daily routine has become almost normal.
My parents were overjoyed, saying my hypersomnia had finally been cured.
It must have been so hard on them... Since my symptoms first appeared in middle school, they have always been there for me, taking care of everything. I am so grateful.
When I first entered middle school, I suddenly developed a strange illness.
I couldn’t stay awake.
I had to sleep.
Most of the day, I would just sleep.
Sometimes, I even slept for five or six days straight.
Since walking while asleep was dangerous, I spent a long time studying at home. Later, with Dr. He’s help, I managed to stay awake for part of the day and attended school when Dad drove me. Even then, I still spent most of my time sleeping in the nurse’s office.
Middle school years went by in a blur, mostly in my dreams.
After entering high school, my condition finally improved.
Dr. He never figured out why my symptoms persisted for three years and then suddenly disappeared. It bothered her because she always wanted to find the cause.
But I knew. It was because the long dream had finally ended.
From the moment the drowsiness began, I started having dreams—dreams that felt as long as several lifetimes.
In different eras, with different identities, I experienced different lives, repeatedly encountering and parting ways with familiar people...
I started to lose a sense of who I was. My sense of self became blurred, my memories a chaotic mess, and I couldn’t distinguish between dream and reality.
Why did it have to be me experiencing something like this?
Occasionally, when I was awake, I would be consumed by resentment.
Not only had it stolen away my time, making the things I could do few and far between, but it also left me in a dazed state, living without the feeling of being alive. Each day, all I did was sleep, sleep, and sleep some more... Wasn’t I just like a corpse?
If that were the case, it would have been better if I had just died... Why was I dreaming of things that had nothing to do with me?
I was confused, lost, and deeply frustrated.
Worrying over these fake, meaningless memories was utterly foolish.
Until the day I met him again.
Like waking from a dream, I suddenly came to my senses.
I had thought it was all just a dream.
I had thought it was all just a fantasy.
I had thought it was all just an illusion.
Mere figments my brain conjured up during those long periods of sleep.
But when I met him, the moment I laid eyes on him, I understood. Those memories were real. They were things I had actually experienced, lives that truly belonged to me, fragments of nine lifetimes accumulated through endless cycles of ✪ Nоvеlіgһt ✪ (Official version) reincarnation.
The moment I saw him, all those jumbled memories and turbulent emotions suddenly fell into place. ‘They’ all stood behind me, as if in a neat line.
It felt as if just looking at him was enough to fill me with contentment.
It was a feeling so overflowing it was engraved into my very soul.
I finally understood the purpose of my existence. Every single one of those lifetimes was for his sake. It was all just to stay by his side, whether as a lover, a daughter, a wife, or a sister... No matter what form, all I wanted was to be by his side.
And in this lifetime, I am merely a childhood friend who met him during our early years.
All those lifetimes’ worth of memories appeared in my mind as dreams, and then, after I lived through the ninth ‘life,’ the memories abruptly ceased.
The long dream came to an end.
I couldn’t help but burst into tears.
The dream had ended, and now it was time to face reality.
After that, the memories of my past lives gradually began to fade away. They truly felt like dreams, slowly slipping from my grasp. Only the memories related to him remained, playing in my mind like a documentary.
I understood what that meant.
—Now it’s your turn.
‘She,’ ‘she,’ ‘they’ all said the same thing to me.
It was as though they had entrusted everything to me completely.
All those regrets, those things left undone, those unfulfilled wishes—they dumped it all on me without warning. It was a heavy burden, but one I couldn’t refuse.
That lifetime, you were the Demon Lord, with blood-soaked hands conquering the Central Plains, yet you died in Huangquan for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a warlord, ruling over all with unparalleled power, yet you remained unmarried for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a physician, saving countless lives with your benevolence, yet you ended up crippled and sick for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a Taoist, diligently seeking enlightenment, yet you abandoned the path and returned to the mundane world for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a merchant, wealthier than kings, yet you gave away everything for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a wanderer, a hero roaming the world, yet you withdrew to the mountains for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a general, leading armies to the four corners of the land, yet you wept alone amidst fallen soldiers for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a scholar, talented and charming, yet you pulled back from the brink of ruin for my sake.
That lifetime, you were a top-ranking scholar, achieving high honors, yet you relinquished everything to live a simple life for my sake.
Nine lifetimes of reincarnation—I thought our connection had come to an end. But I never expected to meet you again.
The cycle begins anew, but this fleeting bond can no longer compare to what you once were.
You seem to have forgotten me. There are already others by your side.
Is it because, after nine lifetimes of suffering, you no longer wish to encounter me, the one who brought you pain...?
In this lifetime, I met you at the prime of our youth. It must be the heavens granting me a chance to repay your unwavering devotion.
The one who came into my life now is Ethan An.
“A man as sincere as his name implies.”
If that’s the case, then I will repay your sincerity with mine, and trust that you will not forsake me.
“Yes... Please, leave it to me. I will protect Lord Ethan.”
He no longer clings to me, but that’s alright. He has already given so much for me.
Now it is my turn to give.
“To protect you, with my entire life.”
That is the obsession that ‘we’ share.
The obsession that cannot be severed.
Rainie Bai’s life belongs to you, Ethan An...
