NOVPUBThe first day of the Qingming holiday, April 2nd. I woke up in the house of a female classmate.
I didn’t even know what time I finally fell asleep last night. It must have been close to dawn.
When I woke up, my body felt as heavy as a sack of rocks, like I hadn’t slept at all. My eyes were dry and sore, and no matter how hard I rubbed them, the discomfort wouldn’t go away. But the faint scent on my hand somehow helped clear my mind.
At least I managed to sleep for a bit... or rather, I can’t believe I even managed to fall asleep at all.
I looked down at Snowy, still sleeping on my stomach, her small body rising and falling with each breath.
A wave of relief washed over me. I had managed to hold out. I’d fought off that damnable impulse and refrained from doing anything that would get me three years to life in prison.
But... to say I did nothing would be an excuse. The truth was, I couldn’t keep my hands entirely to myself.
Or rather, it was impossible to restrain myself.
Unless I chopped off these hands... or castrated myself.
Otherwise, even if they tied me up, I felt like I could rip through the ropes.
Snowy was lying right on top of me, her petite body clad only in my oversized shirt. The distance between us was zero.
I had never imagined that enduring something like this could be so torturous.
Suddenly, I felt a yearning to light a cigarette — even though I’d never smoked before. Was this what people meant by the phrase “too tired to love”?
“Sigh...”
Anyway, after a night spent teetering on the edge of wickedness and depravity, I’d managed to pull through.
The moment the first rays of daylight broke through the darkness, my mind finally cleared. Like the saying goes, light always drives away darkness.
My phone was dead, so I had no idea what time it was. The light pouring in through the window didn’t look like morning sunlight; it was more like the harsh glow of fluorescent lamps. There was no way to gauge the time.
But then again, it was a holiday, so it didn’t really matter what time it was.
I looked down again at Snowy, who was still fast asleep with her eyes closed, breathing softly.
A crushing sense of guilt welled up inside me.
Wait, hold on. If I’m feeling guilty now, doesn’t that mean I’m back to normal?
Looks like that damn charm spell only messes with my mind at night or when I’m in the dark. Does that mean I can only live in the light from now on?
Until I figure out how to get that spell out of my head, I’d better avoid dark places. Maybe I should start sleeping with the lights on.
Last night, after I blew out the candle, everything went downhill. Lillian’s warning was completely forgotten, and instead of reminiscing about the past to ground myself, my head was filled with filthy, depraved thoughts.
Is it because nighttime is the succubi’s “hunting hour”? Did that charm spell amplify my desires to a dangerous level?
Did Lily really not know about that effect? Or... did she know and not tell me?
Wait. I can’t jump to conclusions yet. I still don’t have concrete proof that the charm spell is what’s making me feel this way.
And Lily did say she didn’t know why the spell got into my head or how to remove it. All I can do now is wait until the holiday ends and talk to the principal about it.
Half worried, half relieved — that was how I felt right now.
I slapped my cheeks and blinked a few times, steeling myself.
Alright. Time to wake Snowy up and tell her everything.
I gently shook her shoulder and called her name.
“Snowy?”
“Mm...”
Snowy squinted, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand like a little kitten. Then she blearily looked up at me.
The first thing she said was...
“I need to pee...”
“Ugh!”
No, that’s normal. Anyone would need to pee after waking up.
“I can’t hold it...”
“H-Hey! Wait! Don’t pee! I’ll take you to the bathroom right now!”
Why was I hesitating? Snowy wasn’t like Serena. She wouldn’t make unreasonable demands of me.
Without another thought, I tried to sit up while carrying Snowy, but...
I couldn’t move.
My back seized up in pain, and I couldn’t even lift myself off the bed.
Well, that’s no surprise. Even though Snowy was light, I’d had nearly 40 kilograms of loli pressing down on me all night. Of course, my back was going to hurt.
I slapped my lower back a couple of times, trying to get the blood flowing, then prepared to get up again.
But before I could, Snowy said,
“It’s coming out...”
“Wait! Hold it a little longer! I don’t want to clean up a puddle again!”
I finally managed to get up, ignoring the throbbing pain in my back, and grabbed Snowy.
“I can’t... hold it... mm...”
“Argh!”
If I tried running to the bathroom now, Snowy would definitely «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» wet herself along the way. There was no way she could endure all that jostling.
Crap. Crap. Crap... What do I do?!
In desperation, my eyes darted around the room and landed on a half-empty water bottle on the table.
“No choice! We’ll have to use this water bottle!”
“Mm...”
I hurriedly emptied the remaining water and handed the bottle to Snowy, then turned away, plugging my ears.
Still, I couldn’t help but hear the faint sound.
It was awkward... painfully awkward. I should’ve just waited outside.
After a while, the sound stopped. Keeping my back turned, I asked,
“Are you done?”
“Mm...”
Her voice was even softer than usual. Was she embarrassed?
Ah, finally. A girl who actually felt shame about something like this. I couldn’t help but feel a little touched.
Wait. Does that mean the other girls around me are all shameless?
Lost in these utterly pointless thoughts, I turned around and instinctively picked Snowy up again.
“Mm... Ethan?”
Then it hit me — what the hell was I doing?!
“Ahh! S-S-Sorry! Really sorry! I did it out of habit... No! Not habit! I swear I don’t make a habit of carrying you!”
Ahhh! What the hell am I saying?! Why am I confessing without being questioned?!
“Put me down... please?”
Her face was a little red. She was definitely embarrassed.
God, she was so cute.
How could she be this cute?
I’d spent the whole night holding her, like some divine gift from above...
Would I be punished for this later?
They say good fortune is always followed by disaster. Was I about to reap what I sowed?
If that was the case... maybe I should just indulge myself now... let myself go...
I lowered her to the floor, and we locked eyes.
I couldn’t tear my gaze away from her deep blue eyes. It felt like they were drawing me in, like they would swallow me whole.
My mind was growing fuzzy again.
My hands pressed down on her shoulders, and I leaned in closer.
I wanted to kiss her...
“Ethan?”
“Mm...”
Wait. Something’s wrong with me...
Everything was spinning. My head felt like it was about to roll off my neck.
The only thing I could clearly see were her eyes.
Those deep blue eyes.
“You’re bleeding.”
“Huh? Oh...”
A nosebleed.
Yeah. Something was definitely wrong with me. Was it because I didn’t sleep well last night?
Should I go back and see Dr. He?
Before I could process my thoughts, something soft touched my face.
Snowy was wiping my nose with her hand.
“Hey! Don’t! It’s dirty!”
“It’s fine.”
She didn’t mind?
Almost as if she had read my thoughts, she immediately said,
“I don’t mind.”
Why?
Why did she keep approaching me without hesitation?
“Ethan... is special.”
I’m... special?
“Me?”
“Mm.”
Her voice was firm.
Absolutely certain.
And somehow, I wanted to believe her.
“Special... irreplaceable.”
It was as if she was affirming my very existence.
“Unreplaceable.”
It was as if she was confirming my worth.
Emphasizing my place in her heart.
That was when I suddenly remembered — Snowy’s title had turned blue without me even noticing.
Since I’d been wearing my glasses the whole time, I hadn’t paid attention to the colors of the titles. But now, as I looked at her, I suddenly realized that her title had shifted to blue at some point.
Last night, that brief flash of blue... I had thought it was her feelings toward Kan Tsukiyo, considering how familiar the two of them seemed.
But now, even after a whole night, the color remained.
And it wasn’t just any blue.
It was a deep blue. The exact same shade as her eyes.
No... was it really blue?
As I continued to stare at that deep blue, it felt as though it was slowly darkening. Gradually transforming into black... a shade blacker than my own irises.
I began to feel uncertain.
My ability to perceive colors was growing ambiguous, muddled.
After all, human beings distinguish colors based on light, medium, and emotions. When two shades are similar, it becomes increasingly difficult to tell them apart.
Likewise, it becomes impossible to discern ambiguous feelings.
Is she really the dismemberment killer?
Why is she being so kind to me? Does she... like me?
I couldn’t be certain. I had no way of being certain.
Everything between us was steeped in uncertainty.
Deep blue... or black?
Blue or black?
Hell if I know...
