NOVPUBPov Xagar:
"Still the same old guy, trying to destroy everything he doesn’t understand?" (me?)
I jumped back, my attack did nothing against him, it was like hitting a wall of Holy Metal, I did nothing against him and I’m sure my sword made contact with his body which didn’t give 1 millimeter back.
In fact, it wasn’t just his appearance that was the same as mine, his presence, voice and even his way of speaking are exactly the same as they were before.
Sigh
"(Calm down, getting carried away by emotions won’t get me anywhere.)" (I)
I did my best to keep my mind focused, what was in front of me is a reflection of what I hate most, even keeping my calm is proving difficult, but it’s the least I can do at this point since I clearly can’t cause harm to anyone he.
"Who are you?" (I)
"You know who I am, so don’t try to fool yourself." (me?)
"You can pretend all you want, you can believe what you want, but we both know you can’t get rid of me." (me?)
"I am you, I have always been you... I will always be you." (me?)
He disappeared in the middle of the words before appearing behind me, a hand hitting my shoulder as his voice sounds behind me finishing speaking and when I turn my body, he disappeared and returned to his initial position still smiling at me as if mocking of my reaction.
"(Calm down, he’s acting like I did in the past, using stupid mockery to distract and confuse the enemy.)" (I)
"(Everything he says is to confuse me, if I let him do that, then I would just be an idiot.)" (I)
"(That’s right, ignore everything, it would be so much easier to ignore everything you say, wouldn’t it?)" (me?)
"..." (I)
I was surprised that he spoke in my mind, so there’s no point in me lying or hiding something, if he can see inside my mind, I’ll just follow through directly.
I didn’t feel anything invade my mind and he’s clearly too faithful a copy to be fake, he’s a reflection of me no matter how much I don’t want to feed it.
"Alright, let’s stop with the games, you’re a reflection of me, a part of me, so get straight to why you’re here." (I)
"Xagar, you lied to yourself and Hades that day." (me?)
"I know what I did... I don’t expect forgiveness... I know my decision is laughable..." (me?)
"You lied to yourself and to everyone, you always wanted forgiveness, but not just any forgiveness, but the forgiveness of a single person who will never come back." (me?)
"SHUT UP!!!!" (I)
"Hahaha hahahahahahaha... hahahahahaha..." (me?)
As he smiled, the world around us began to ripple like the surface of a lake once more, the landscape that now revealed itself was a mansion where a blue-haired Celestina woman held a young boy while closing a white book with the emblem of a golden sun on the cover.
"Why don’t we start at the beginning?" (me?)
"Our mother was beautiful, kind and even though she was a Celestina of the Church of Light, she never hurt anyone, she was an ordinary Priestess who lived among a common people." (me?)
"..." (I)
I couldn’t hear her or the child’s voice, but I didn’t need to, I remember that day, she was reciting not the battles in the holy book, but the miracles that saved countless lives, she always emphasized saving and not fighting.
But suddenly something unlike the memory happened, everything froze in place except for the child who stood up and looked at me, the same smile mocking me on her face.
"You took everything she taught you and threw it in the trash." (I?)
"..." (I)
"How many did you save!? How many did you reach out to!? Answer me!!!" (me?)
"..." (I)
Her scream generated ripples once again making the world around us change, this time we were in an open field, two children were kicking a third until he was unconscious just for being a boy from the Beastmen race.
Those were me and my best friend as children, as much as my mother tried to teach me good things, the stories that I once considered heroic from my father, made me believe in the racial prejudices of the Church of Light.
Suddenly the surroundings freeze once again, the Celestino boy moves away from the other two boys, another child’s blood painting his clothes while he is still smiling.
"We have always been violent, our hands have never saved anything and have never saved anything." (me?)
"We have always been a weapon of destruction!!" (me?)
"..." (I)
Everything once again rippled like the waters of a lake and the image that appears was already frozen, but I remember that day.
My younger self was kneeling before a stage in front of a golden sword receiving the blessings of a High Priest while a Light Templar Armor was placed in front of me.
While I was lost in thought the kneeling figure stood up looking at me, this time he wasn’t laughing, his eyes burned with endless anger as he began to speak.
"You were proud that day, full of arrogance and dreams that took countless lives in the name of disgusting justice!!" (me?)
"We were always a murderous monster, you just wanted an excuse to kill and destroy, the Church of Light gave you exactly that, didn’t they!?" (me?)
"No, that’s not true..." (I)
This time I didn’t even see when the landscape suddenly changed once again, all I saw was a wounded version of myself, with the armor torn in many places and one of the wings hanging off, meanwhile thousands of bodies were around me, their blood paint my body.
This image of me was not smiling and also did not move from the spot, he just raised his hands without saying anything, his hands were dripping with fresh blood.
"Who are you to swear oaths of justice and talk about honor... where is the honor in invading a city? Where is the justice in killing people who have done nothing wrong just because they are a different race? Where is the sense of pride serving a place that carries out such senseless massacres!?" (me?)
"..." (I)
I couldn’t refute, deny or create any excuse for any of this, because it was true, since I was a child I was always violent and dedicated myself to doing only bad things with excuses to do justice to the point that I deceived myself.
Suddenly the world disappears once again while I’m trapped in my mind, but this time it changes between each ripple of space showing snippets of the worst moment of my life.
The first few were a dear memory to me, I was injured to the point that my mind was confused about my own identity, I had been injured by a monster and an Elf rescued me.
The second was about being treated by him for weeks with care and love, I didn’t know who I was at that moment, but she knew I was a Templar of Light, anyone in her place would have killed me in that world, but she took care of me.
The third image was when I remembered everything and realized what she had been doing all this time, I confronted her, but she answered me with just one sentence that carried such pure and brilliant meaning that I couldn’t say anything else.
"Do you remember her words? If you don’t, then I can tell you." (me?)
"I don’t need a reason to save someone who is injured." (me?)
Tears! TEARS!!
Then I was able to stop my tears from falling and my copy that was on the bed also didn’t stop crying and the images quickly changed to what happened a few days later.
The Church of Light arrived massacring everyone in the city, only Fiona who demonstrated an incredible will to fight and talent for her age was spared along with a few who surrendered, I was "rescued" by the other Templars.
That day I was passed out from so much pain with tears in my eyes holding her body in my arms, I saw her being killed and I couldn’t do anything, she was killed by a Templar of Light like me.
"You don’t deserve what she did for you or where she is today!" (me?)
"Your hands are filthy with blood... are you going to pretend you don’t know whose blood it is! Are you going to pretend that you carry everything you did when you’re actually trying to forget the worst parts!?" (me?)
The smile that once mocked me was no longer there, he was shouting at me full of hatred in his presence and raw anger in his eyes, but I could see beyond all that, something hidden even deeper and that was when I realized who he was.
"I see, now I finally understand... you are not the reflection of those days, nor are you the anger or hatred inside me." (I)
The world rippled and disappeared once again, we were standing above the water with a starry sky above our heads, the fragmented Moon was always there shining unnoticeably and he was in front of me.
His broken armor lay on the ground, his wings, the pride of all Celestines, torn off and thrown to the ground, his Sword lay fragmented beneath his foot, and blood leaked from wounds all over his body as he cried.
"You are my despair." (I)
"You think you deserve everything you got!? You think you deserve so much power!? You deserve NOTHING!!!" (Despair)
"I agree with you, I don’t think I deserve any of this, but I will accept this power, I will use this power." (I)
"Just like me, there are many in despair who, even though they had the will to get up, had no one to reach out to them like Hades did for me and like Zenos is doing now." (I)
"I am violent yes, I am like a weapon of destruction and I intend only to destroy the Church of Light, but I will extend the hilt of a weapon to those with the will to rise from despair as I did." (I)
"A weapon needs to be wielded by those who know the weight of its violence." (I)
"It won’t erase anything." (Despair)
"No, it won’t be a redemption either, but it will still help someone out of everyone’s eyes and as long as that’s possible, a little bit of them will still live." (I)
"I will always be with you." (Despair)
"I know." (I)
He sank into the water before the Dragon emerged once again, Nix looked at me before speaking.
"In the midst of darkness there will still be light to show the way, every night the moon and the stars shine for everyone equally." (Nix)
"I understand." (I)
"Yes, you understand because you found a way beyond destroying the Church of Light, a way that my master Zenos knew you could find and that’s why you went through this ordeal." (Nix)
"The one who decides whether or not you are worthy of such power will not be you, but those who are saved by you." (Nix)
